Hoonah, Hoonah!

You know, for a girl who has virtually no friends in a new city, life sure is busy. I want you all to conjure in your minds the image of a sophisticated, cosmopolitan young professional. She goes places! She sees things! She wears cute outfits! And of course she never stays home on her patootskie watching "The Bachelorette" on Hulu. (Ashley, if you're reading this --  Girl, you need to stop sabotaging yourself and GET OVER Bentley already. I have very strong opinions on the matter, and if you wish to discuss it further, facebook me.) 

I kid, I kid - I do plenty of stuff. I've finally identified my yoga studio (woo!), and last weekend I visited two important NorCal landmarks: the deYoung museum, and Napa. It's true everybody - Cab is king.


Anyway.....back to Alaska! I want to tell you a bit about the first destination that we visited on our crusie: Hoonah. Y'all. I'm gonna give it to you straight. Hoonah is GORGEOUS.

One of the things that struck me about Hoonah was that all the locals I encountered seemed to really love it. There was a real sense of pride. When Hoonah finally agreed to allow cruise ships, they made one rule: No Ridiculous Internationally-Owned Jewelry Stores. They wanted visitors to experience what Hoonah is really like. The shops are owned and operated by Hoonah residents, and the jewelry is handmade by a local artisan.

It really did seem like a nice place to live. Towards the end of the day, Mumsy and I took a tram ride through the forest. We heard charming stories about a man who lost a bet and jumped into the ocean in January, and a young girl who narrowly avoided getting mauled by a bear. At one point, we disembarked the tram to stretch our legs. We gazed to our left at the serene picturesque water:

And to our right at the lush, verdant forest:

Oh, you didn't want to see a blurry picture of a weird tree? Sorry folks...it seems I took only two "lush forest" pictures, both of which were from the moving tram.

Kind of a cool effect though, no? Like shrooms minus the shrooms.

As we paused to absorb the majestic beauty and wonder surrounding us, I was treated to one of the most hilarious, neurotic exchanges I've ever heard in my life. 


A super old lady clutching a blanket around her shoulders anxiously asked my mother, "Is the bear going to stay away??"
"Yeah, it is." my mom soothed.
"What bear?" I asked her, thinking I missed something.
Mumsy turned to me. "The one we're worried about."


Pure genius. I had to walk away because it was so funny. If this doesn't strike a chord with you, you probably didn't grow up in an environment of mild paranoia. (I would say, "consider yourself lucky," but on second thought I'm going to say "better paranoid than dead," and leave it at that.)


Anyway. Back to Hoonah! Wanna see a whale?

Did you catch that black speck at the beginning? That was the whale. Yeah, I probably won't be selling that clip to National Geographic. If whales aren't your thing, would you prefer to gaze at water gently lapping the shore?

No? Not exciting enough? How about...TAKING A TRIP DOWN THE LONGEST ZIPLINE IN THE WORLD??

You were waiting for that, weren't you? Yeaaaah I thought so. Just counting the minutes. Not to worry little munchkin...it's coming up. You shall see Sonja soar like an eagle over mountaintops - Nay! You shall experience it as she experienced it! But not today. I can't today. I'm emotionally drained from watching the bachelorette make questionable life choices.


Hasta la sometime later this week, muchachos!